Relationships are built on trust...

I recently posted (see "Self-trust is the first secret of success...") about a model of trust presented in the book, The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything by Stephen M.R. Covey, former CEO of the Covey Leadership Center.  I introduced the topic in a post from last November, "Change happens at the speed of trust..."  Again, Covey compares trust to the well-known ripple effect, in which waves start out small at the center and become larger and more powerful as they move and expand outward.  He describes five "waves of trust" to drive home the point that trust begins with oneself and expands outward to relationships, organizations, the market, and society.  I'll cover the second Wave of Trust in today's post, which Covey calls Relationship Trust.  

As I've stated in the past (and to paraphrase the Greek philosopher Aristotle), we are "political animals".  And by "political animal" I mean that we are social.  That is how we evolved.  That is how we operate in today's society.  "Politics" really describes how people in a group make decisions, even when those people in the group want different things or don't agree.  "Politics" is all about relationships.  When there is trust in relationships, there is going to be give and take.  When people in a group trust each other, they are more willing to compromise so that the group can make the best decision for the group.

Covey writes, "People tend not to trust people who don't trust them."  In other words, if there is not trust in a relationship, there is probably no relationship.  Or at least one that works effectively.  Henry Stimson, former US Secretary of State under President Herbert Hoover in the late 1920's said, "The surest way to make a man untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust."

Relationship Trust relies upon establishing credibility through Character and Competence.  Note that Covey is building upon the concepts discussed in his first Wave of Trust (Self-Trust) here.  Character depends upon a leader's Integrity and Intent, while Competence depends upon a leader's Capabilities and Results (see my last post for more explanation on each of these Core Elements of Credibility).

In order to build (and/or repair, if it is broken) Relationship Trust, Covey discusses 13 actionable behaviors grouped into the two domains of Character and Competence (or some mix of both):

Behaviors in the Character domain:

1. Talk straight.  Be honest, simple, and transparent in conversation.  Do not distort facts or leave false impressions.  Don't manipulate people.

2. Demonstrate respect.  Be kind and fair.  Do not "fake respect" by showing concern only for those who can do something for you.  Follow the Golden Rule ("Do unto others...").

3. Create transparency.  Be real and genuine.  Avoid hidden agendas.  Do not withhold information that can be helpful to getting the work done.  Err on the side of disclosure.

4. Right wrongs.  Don't use "fake apologies" (do not justify or rationalize wrongs).  Admit mistakes.  When you are sorry, say you are sorry and mean it.  But then go one step further and make right what is wrong.

5. Show loyalty.  Give credit when credit is due.  Don't take credit for something that you didn't do.  Speak up about people as if they were present, even when they are not.  Do not disclose someone else's private information for your own personal gain.

Behaviors in the Competence domain:

6. Deliver results.  It can be hard to measure results, so take the time to develop the metrics of success up front and at the beginning.  Make things happen.  Be on time and on budget.  Don't make excuses when you fall short of the goal.

7. Get better.  Adopt a continuous improvement mindset.  Be open to growth (have a "growth mindset").  Don't be afraid to make mistakes, but when you do make a mistake, learn from it.  As Dee Hock, founder of Visa said, "You learn nothing from your successes except to think too much of yourself.  It is from failure that all growth comes, provided you can recognize it, admit it, learn from it, rise above it, and then try again."

8. Confront reality.  Address the tough issues head on.  Be realistic, but also optimistic.  Learn from Admiral Stockdale and the "Stockdale Paradox").

9. Clarify expectations.  Create a shared vision and agreement up front.  Make sure roles and responsibilities are understood.  Develop a RACI.  Know who has the authority and accountability.  Blaine Lee, author of The Power Principle, said, "Almost all conflict is a result of violated expectations."  Be clear about what you are trying to do, then do it!

10. Practice accountability.  Practice 200% accountability ("I am responsible for my actions and for that of others").  Don't avoid or shirk responsibility, particularly if you are a leader.  Be clear on how you will communicate progress or lack thereof.  Follow Jim Collins' "window and mirror metaphor" - "When things go well, you look through the window; when things go wrong, you look at the mirror."  In other words, give credit for win to the team and take the blame for the loss.  Or as the Russian proverb goes, "Success has many fathers, while failure is an orphan."

Behaviors that fall in both (Character and Competence) domains:

11. Listen first.  We were born with two ears and one mouth.  We should be listening twice as much as we are talking!  Actively listen.  Be present.

12. Keep commitments.  Follow through on your promises. Never (and I mean "NEVER") overpromise and underdeliver.  

13. Extend trust.  Make trust a verb instead of a noun.  Warren Bennis said, "Leadership without mutual trust is a contradiction in terms."  To be a leader, you have to trust your teams!