Connections

I recently posted about Dr. Vivek Murthy's (Dr. Murthy was the 19th and 21st Surgeon General of the Untied States) report, "The Healing Effects of Social Connection" (see my two posts "The Loneliness Epidemic" and "Ubuntu") and his "Parting Prescription for America".  Apparently his "Parting Prescription" is no longer available on the Department of Health and Human Services website.  I've also posted a lot about the role that television (see "Amusing Ourselves to Death"), technology (see "The Walkman Effect", "The Quiet Commute", and "Take a Break...") and social media (see "Familiarity breeds contempt...",  "Liberation", and "The truth about connection") have played in this epidemic of loneliness.  I think we can easily make the argument that the more time we spend on technology (e.g. smart phone, Internet) or social media, the less time we are connecting with others (friends, family, etc).  

Other people a lot smarter than I have also made the observation that we are less connected now than ever before.  I have referenced the author and journalist Nicholas Carr a number of times in the past.  His books are very interesting (see in particular his most recent book, Superbloom: How Technologies of Connection Tear Us Apart), but his blog posts are even more compelling in my opinion.  Carr published a collection of his articles and blog posts in Utopia Is Creepy: And Other Provocations.  Jonathan Haidt's book The Anxious Generation is also an important book that has received a lot of attention recently.  Several books by the Harvard political scientist Robert Putnam with a similar theme are also on my reading list (Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community, Better Together: Restoring the American Community, and The Upswing: How America Came Together a Century Ago and How We Can Do It Again) and come highly recommended.

With all of this in mind, I recently came across a great online article by the social entrepreneur Aaron Hurst, who recently co-founded the U.S. Chamber of Connection, a movement to reverse the decline in connection and trust in society today.  They've called the connection gap the greatest challenge of our time, stating that "We are divided and disconnected.  It is destroying lives, communities, and our country."  The article "How '6 points of connection' can repair our shared trust" appeared on bigthink.com this past August.  Hurst stated the key takeaways of the article:

1. "Workplace loneliness is a growing issue fueled by the erosion of everyday connection."

2. "The decline in connection and trust is the result of more than a century of technological and social change." (see my points above!)

3. "In divided times, shared action often builds more unity than shared opinions."

While many have blamed this decline in connection and trust on social media and COVID-19, the truth of the matter is that this decline has been a long-standing trend over the past century or so.  Hurst blames social media (of course), but he also suggests that automobiles, television, the Internet, smartphones, and even artificial intelligence are just as guilty.  The U.S. Chamber of Connection offers six points of connection that we can establish and foster, which will help reverse this slow decline and restore our trust in society today.

Point #1: Know Your Neighbors

When I grew up, we knew all of our neighbors.  All of the adults (most, but not all had children around my age) watched out for us kids.  We used to have neighborhood block parties, and all of the neighborhood kids would play together.  As I've grown older, I've started to truly know my neighbors less and less over the years.  Today, according to a 2023 survey by Pew Research, only 26% of Americans know most of their neighbors and just 44% say they trust them.  Times have definitely changed!  Hurst states (and I agree), "To rebuild a connected life, one of the most powerful actions is also one of the simplest: get to know the people who live near you."  Stopping to say hello, offering to help with a small task, organizing a block part, inviting a neighbor to dinner - all of these small acts of kindness help build trust, belonging, and a shared sense of responsibility and community.  

Point #2: Community of Identity

Robert Putnam writes about the decline in participation in clubs, civic groups, sports leagues, and religious groups and how this has directly led to a decline in trust and connection in American society today in the books I listed above.  We all need to feel seen and heard, and one of the best ways to make that happen is through forming a community of identity, a group of individuals who share similar beliefs and experiences with our own.  According to the American Survey Center, almost fifty percent of adults under the age of 30 years say that they don't feel part of any community.  Hurst writes, "A community of identity provides a sense of home beyond geography...These groups offer something rare: shared language, shared understanding, and fewer barriers to being your full self...When you are deeply connected to at least one group that reflects who you are, you're more equipped to bridge divides and contribute meaningfully across society."

Point #3: One-on-one Connection

I've always said that everyone should have at least one true friend that they can count on for support.  It truly takes just one friend.  One study ("How many hours does it take to make a friend?") suggests that it takes about 200 hours of interaction to form a true friendship.  Unfortunately, many of us don't spend anywhere close to that amount of time.  According to the American Time Use Survey, nearly 40% of adults in the U.S. spend no time with friends during a typical day.  But it's important to have at least one friend who we can trust and rely upon to anchor us emotionally.  We all need someone who will celebrate our successes and who we can lean upon when we fail.  

Point #4: Third Places

Howard Schultz, founder and former CEO of Starbucks, had a vision to design a place where people could go and hang out and enjoy a great cup of coffee (see my post "It's not about the coffee...").  He described his vision, saying, "The idea was to create a chain of coffeehouses that would become America's third place.  At the time, most Americans had two places in their lives - home and work.  But I believed that people needed another place, a place where they could go to relax and enjoy others, or just be by themselves.  I envisioned a place that would be separate from home or work, a place that would mean different things to different people."  Unfortunately, at least one survey showed that nearly half of U.S. adults can't name a single place where they regularly connect with others outside of home or work.  Hurst writes, "Third places matter because they invite spontaneous connection - between generations, across cultures, and beyond our usual social circles.  They're where we bump into each other, strike up conversations, and build trust without needing an invitation."

All we have to do is show up.  Visit a third place such as the public library.  Introduce yourself to the people who work there.  Say yes to the community event.  Become an advocate for third spaces, such as public parks, plazas, or gathering spots.  Be present in your community!

Point #5: Activity-based Community

Again, referring back to Robert Putnam.  One of the best ways that we can get involved with our local community is by participating in regular group activities, such as book clubs, sports leagues, civic or religious groups, or even neighborhood homeowners' associations.  Again, according to a recent survey, only one in four U.S. adults belongs to a local club, team, or hobby group that meets on a routine basis.  Joining and participating in an activity-based group of like-interested individuals can help increase life satisfaction and lower stress.  These groups can also support the third places and other community groups, creating what Hurst calls a "virtuous cycle of local connection."

Point #6: Community Service

Hurst writes, "Helping others is one of the most reliable paths to connection, meaning, and joy."  Spending time helping others and helping our community is a great way to form connections and build mutual trust and shared ownership.  Hurst goes on to write, "Volunteering at its best isn't about checking a box - it's about showing up for each other."

The "Six Points of Connection" aren't going to address all of our society's problems right away.  They are designed to be iterative, and I do believe that they are a great place to start.  We need to re-establish deep connections with each other, which will go a long way to re-building trust and harmony.