"The truth about connection"

I was listening to an interview of the author Jefferson Fisher on the radio a few weeks ago.  Fisher was promoting his new book, The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More.  I was interested enough to order the book from our local public library.  The book finally arrived, and I started to read it a few days ago.  So far, it's very good.

While the book isn't necessarily about making personal connections (as opposed to connecting with people via social media), there is a chapter entitled "The Truth About Connection" that I found particularly interesting.  Fisher mentions a brief "conversation" that he had with his mother via text.  Near the end of the conversation, his mother told him, "I don't like your attitude."  She was picking up emotions (wrongly, as it turns out) via text and responding accordingly.

Fisher says throughout the book, "It's not necessarily what you say, it's how you say it."  By communicating via text messaging or social media, we've lost the ability to transmit important nonverbal cues.  As Fisher asks the question, "Why is it that despite all this technology to make communication easier, it seems harder than ever?"

He responds, "The answer is that you're not connecting at a level that conveys emotional nuance.  You're simply transmitting pixels arranged to display as words and expecting the same result.  You're living in a world of transmission, non connection."

Transmission, whether it's via text messaging, email, or social media, is cold (emotionless) and transactional.  Successful communication in the digital realm is defined purely by transmission of data.  It's efficient, but it lacks authenticity and it's indifferent to understanding.  We miss out the nonverbal cues and other contextual factors that are important to communication.  As such, the digital form of communication can be easily misinterpreted.  Fisher's mother, for example, had no reason to be angry.

Fisher emphasizes that transmission is NOT a replacement for connection.  He argues, "That's like thinking reading sheet music is going to give you the same feeling as hearing a symphony perform it, or that a description of a sunset will feel the same way as seeing it with your own eyes.  Transmission conveys information, but connection breathes life into it.  You're meant to feel the warmth of a smile, not read it in an emoji."