Rasmus Hougaard, Jacqueline Carter, and Marissa Afton recently wrote a nice article on the subtle, but important differences between empathy and compassion in an online article for the Harvard Business Review ("Connect with Empathy, But Lead With Compassion"). As they point out in their article, the words sympathy, empathy, and compassion are often used interchangeably, but that is not quite right. Using a classic 2x2 chart with "Understanding of the other's experience" on the x-axis and "Willingness to support" on the y-axis, they explain the difference between these words and why we need to understand that they are different:
Looking at the lower left-hand side of the graph, we see that when we experience pity for someone, we feel sorry for them without necessarily fully understanding what they are going through or being willing to help them. When we experience sympathy, we are a little more willing to help and perhaps understand someone's experience better. As we move diagonally up and to the right on the graph, we move towards empathy, where we may share the lived experience of the other person (literally taking on the emotions that they are feeling) and be even more willing to help them. Finally, rather than just sharing the person's emotions (empathy), compassion is when we take a step away and actually move to help that person. As Hougaard, Carter, and Afton write, "Compassion is an intention versus an emotion."
If you are still confused on the difference between empathy and compassion, perhaps a quote from Paul Polman, the former CEO of Unilever will help, "If I led with empathy, I would never be able to make a single decision. Why? Because with empathy, I mirror the emotions of others, which makes it impossible to consider the greater good."
Empathy is a necessary step towards being compassionate. Unfortunately, when we stop at empathy, we may not always make the right decisions that can help someone who is in distress. When we are showing compassion, it's almost as if we are stepping outside ourselves and taking a broader view of the individual's circumstances, which allows us to better assess the situation, make better decisions, and actually act to positively address the situation.
The psychologist Paul Bloom talks about a study from the mid-1990's in his book, Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion by C. Daniel Batson and colleagues, "Immorality from empathy-induced altruism: When compassion and justice conflict". Study participants were told that they were going to work for a charity (entirely fictitious) called "The Quality Life Foundation" which provided funds to help improve the lives of terminally ill children (sort of like the real Make-A-Wish Foundation). After listening to an interview with a 10 year-old child named Sheri Summers (again, fictitious), participants were given the opportunity to move Sheri up on the priority list, although this would mean that another child, perhaps one more deserving than Sheri, would not receive the funds. Half of the participants were told to be objective, while the other half were told "try and imagine how the child who is interviewed feels about what has happened and how it has affected this child's life" (a prompt designed to elicit empathy). Nearly three-fourths of the subjects who read the empathy prompt moved the fictitious patient Sheri up on the list (compared to just one-third in the group who were told to remain objective)!
Compassion then, is being able to take a broader view in order to actually help serve the greater good. As Paul Bloom writes in his book, "I want to make a case for the value of conscious, deliberative reasoning in everyday life, arguing that we should strive to use our heads rather than our hearts." Compassionate leaders use their heads and their hearts.
Hougaard, Carter, and Afton go on to suggest five key strategies for compassionate leadership:
1. Take a mental and emotional step away - As the study mentioned above by Batson and colleagues suggests, we can often make the wrong decisions when we are too empathetic. We can avoid falling into this "empathy trap" by stepping out of the emotional space to get a clear perspective of the situation so that we can make a decision with our head, not our heart.
2. Ask what they need - Asking the simple question, "What do you need?" is sometimes all it takes to help someone.
3. Remember the power of non-action - Remember that in many situations, people don't need you to solve their problems, but rather just listen and care.
4. Coach the person so they can find their own solution - As Hougaard, Carter, and Afton write, "Leadership is not about solving problems for people. It is about growing and developing people, so they are empowered to solve their own problems."
5. Practice self-care - Show self-compassion by taking care of yourself! It's hard for leaders to be compassionate when they are struggling themselves.
We could all use a little more compassion and kindness in the world. Long ago, the Greek philosopher Plato wrote, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle." The Chinese philosopher Confucius wrote, "Wisdom, compassion, and courage are the three universally recognized moral qualities of man." And more recently, Albert Schweitzer suggested that "the purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others."
No comments:
Post a Comment