Two sisters and an orange

I learned another great story during my recent trip to San Diego.  It's a classic from the management literature on conflict resolution and negotiation that was first told nearly 100 years ago by the American social worker  Mary Parker Follett.  Follett is often called the "Mother of Modern Management" for her contributions to the organizational behavior and organizational theory.  In fact,  leadership expert Warren Bennis once said about Follett, "Just about everything written today about leadership and organizations comes from Mary Parker Follett's writings and lectures."  That's a pretty amazing accolade!

Follett told the story of two sisters who were fighting over an orange.  They were both using a different cooking recipe that called for an orange, and neither one wanted to go back to the grocery to purchase another orange.  They settled their argument by simply cutting the orange in half.  Everything worked out in the end, right?  Not so fast!  As it turns out, one of the sisters just needed the juice from the orange, while the other just needed the peel for her recipe.  Neither recipe worked with just half of an orange.  So, in the end, neither sister was able to use the orange. 

There is a clear lesson here - the two sisters were using what is called a distributive bargaining technique.  Distributive negotiations are what is commonly called a "zero sum game" - one party in the negotiation gains only what the other party loses.  However, Mary Parker Follett suggested that the two sisters should have been using an integrative bargaining technique instead.  Integrative negotiations occur when the two parties collaborate to find a "win-win" solution to their dispute.  Both parties get something out of the deal.  Follett may have been the first to describe this technique, though Roger Fisher and William Ury further developed this kind of negotiating strategy in their classic book, Getting to Yes.  Imagine what would have happened if the two sisters in our story followed an integrative bargaining approach - the one sister would have all the juice from the orange for her recipe, while the other sister would have all the peel from the orange for hers.  Both sisters would have been winners in this case!

In order for the integrative bargaining technique to work, there are a couple of key points to remember.  First, you have to always believe that a "win-win" deal is possible.  Second, you have to carefully distinguish between interests and positions.  Positions are "what they say they want," while interests are "why they want it."  A party's interests are their underlying motivations, values, and reasons.  During an integrative negotiation, you should focus on the other party's interests rather than their position.  Focusing on interests requires patient listening!  Try to learn the other party's reasons, motivations, and values.  Then try to find a creative solution to meet their needs as well as your own!

Negotiation is an important skill for leaders to learn - they will use it almost every day!  Don't be like the two sisters.  Find the "win-win" solution.  As Mary Parker Follett once said, "There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination, compromise, and integration. By domination only one side gets what it wants; by compromise neither side gets what it wants; by integration we find a way by which both sides may get what they wish."