Don't hold a grudge

As I mentioned last time, I just recently finished reading A. Scott Berg's biography of Woodrow Wilson and learned a lot about a President and a time that I didn't know previously.  Like all leaders, President Wilson certainly had his faults (the book only loosely referred to some of the accusations of racism that have appeared more recently - see the article in The Atlantic by the writer Dick Lehr as well as a more recent press statement from his alma mater, Princeton University).  I will leave that discussion for others who are more qualified.  I did notice another fault of Wilson's which, while far less important than his beliefs on diversity, equity, and inclusion, are still relevant for leaders today - he often held a grudge.

President Wilson was a college professor and later the President of his alma mater, Princeton University.  Just as you would expect to find in any position of leadership, there were a lot of politics that he had to address during his tenure as Princeton's college president.  Apparently, there was a fight between some prominent alumni as well as a faction within the administration over where to build a graduate school (see the great review of the fight here).  Wilson would eventually lose the fight (both politics and money were involved).  More importantly, one of his greatest and oldest friends, John Grier Hibben, who actually became Princeton's 14th President when Wilson left to become the Governor of New Jersey, sided with the alumni.  Wilson would never forgive Hibben.  Hibben (and other mutual friends) tried to reconcile and restore the friendship, but Wilson resisted for the rest of his life.  At one point, while President of the United States, Wilson returned to Princeton and even refused to shake hands or meet with Hibben, who was then president of the university.

There is at least one more example of a time when one of Wilson's friends disagreed with him, which led to the break-up of the friendship.  Again, Wilson would never forgive the friend.  I can certainly empathize with how Wilson felt - particularly with Hibben, Wilson felt betrayed during one of the most difficult times in his life.  

The evidence shows that holding a grudge negatively impacts our mental wellbeing.  At the end of the day, it's not worth it.  The ancient Chinese philosopher Confucius said, "To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it."  The writer Charlotte Bronte once wrote, "Life appears to me too short to be spent nursing animosity or registering wrongs."

As I have said many, many times, leadership is not easy, particularly in difficult times.  The natural tendency is to look towards an organization's leaders and point the finger of blame at them for everything that is going wrong (whether or not these things are under the leaders' control).  I've found in my own experience (trust me), whether as a leader or a follower, it's better to forgive and move on.  Don't hold a grudge.  It's just not worth it in the end.