There is a famous quote attributed to the late Steve Jobs, co-founder and former CEO of Apple, Inc. Jobs said, "If you want to make everyone happy, don't be a leader. Sell ice cream." I can certainly appreciate that advice! Leadership is not always about popularity, and popularity shouldn't be the goal. Nevertheless, the higher you rise in the organizational hierarchy, oftentimes the less popular you become.
There will be times as a leader that you have to make unpopular decisions that are in the best interests of the organization, even if they are not in the best interests of some of the major stakeholders within the organization. And as the saying goes, "Muck flows uphill." The organization's problems are the leader's problems. Finally, leaders are frequently held accountable for decisions or issues for which they have limited or no authority (see "The Accountability-Authority Matrix"). It's not always fair, but it's part of the job that you sign up for when you become a leader. And it can often make it seem like leaders are all alone.
I have posted in the past on the so-called "loneliness of leadership" (see my posts, "It's lonely at the top" and "Now is the time to lead"). A survey in 2012 by the Harvard Business Review found that more than half of CEO's report being lonely in their roles as leaders. As the English playwright, William Shakespeare famously wrote in his play, Henry IV, "Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown." All leaders have bosses too (even CEO's), and leaders rarely have the luxury of expressing their doubts, misgivings, or anxieties to their bosses. It's even less likely that they can do so with the members on their team. Leaders are expected to remain positive and optimistic about the future, even if the data suggests otherwise. And leaders can never have a "bad day" (even though we are just like everyone else and have them).
So how can leaders feel less lonely? Executive leadership coach Melanie Parish recommends these five ways to overcome the "loneliness of leadership":
1. Establish lifelines: Find peers outside of your organization or even outside of your industry that you can spend time with and learn from - there is a good bet that these leaders will have some of the similar experiences, anxieties, and misgivings as you do.
2. Exchange answers for questions: Leaders don't need to always know all of the answers. Don't even try! Be comfortable saying, "I don't know" (which can oftentimes be paired with the response, "But I will find out"). Don't be afraid to ask questions or even have the members of your team suggest potential solutions to their problems.
3. Manage up: Find an ally above you in the organizational hierarchy. Share positive triumphs, and don't be afraid to ask for advice.
4. Be interesting: Find personal interests and/or hobbies outside of work. You will be more successful professionally if you are more fulfilled personally.
5. Practice extreme self-care: Leadership isn't easy. Don't forget the importance of self-care! Whatever you do to relax and decompress, do it.
Lastly, be sure to read. I have often found comfort and reassurance learning about how other leaders have faced similar (or even worse) challenges during their own leadership journey. Reading is an activity that I enjoy (it's part of my "extreme self-care"), but I have used reading to "establish lifelines" with other great leaders in history.
Leadership is not supposed to be easy. But it doesn't always have to be lonely.
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