I realized that I haven't written about Adam Grant in a while, so I think now might be a great time to revisit one of the concepts he discussed in his book, Think Again. I came across an article that he wrote a few weeks ago for The Guardian ("You can't say that!: How to argue, better"). At the beginning of the article, he told a story of how he once had an argument with a close friend who had decided not to vaccinate his children. At the time, Grant and his friend decided to "agree to disagree" and avoid discussing the topic in the future. However, they eventually found themselves discussing the topic of COVID-19 vaccination. As Grant recalls, "We duked it out in email threads so long that we ran out of new colors for our replies." His friend admitted to him at the end of one of those threads that they had argued more in the past year than they had spoken in almost a decade, saying "I don't know about you, but I love it!"
Unfortunately, we live in a very polarized world. I am currently reading the book Why We're Polarized by Ezra Klein, which I hope to discuss more about in the future. One of the main issues with society today is that we've become so polarized that people who disagree can't even have a productive conversation. Grant cites one study that shows that the average person would rather talk to a stranger who shares their views than a friend who doesn't. Grant suggests that the reason we can't have a productive conversation on a topic on which we disagree is that too many of us think like preachers, prosecutors, and politicians (these labels come from an article by Philp Tetlock) when we are having a disagreement.
When someone is in preacher mode, they're trying to proselytize their views on someone else. When they are in a prosecutor mode, they are attacking someone else's viewpoint. Finally, when they are in politician mode, they don't even listen to someone else unless they share the same view.
Grant offers a number of suggestions to avoid falling into the "preacher, prosecutor, or politician" trap:
1. Learn to recognize your own lazy thinking. When it comes to logic and reason, we are really lazy. Don't believe me? A group of investigators conducted a really clever and interesting set of experiments. They asked people to produce a series of arguments in response to a couple of specific problems. Next, the study participants were asked to evaluate someone else's argument. Unbeknownst to the participants, in some of the experiments they were asked to evaluate their own argument (i.e. they weren't told that it was their own argument). Surprisingly, when they thought the argument was made by someone else, 57% of them rejected it! Grant writes, "Our reasoning is selectively lazy. We hold our own opinions to lower standards than other people's. When someone else doesn't buy the case you're making, it's worth remembering that you might not either."
2. Stay critical, even when you're emotional. The more politically charged the issue, the harder it is to stay in control and focus on the facts relevant to the argument. When we allow our emotions to take over, we lose the ability to think critically. When we get emotional, we tend to be more prone to confirmation bias. We will seize upon facts and ideas that confirm or support our own line of reasoning, all while ignoring or discounting those that challenge them. Remember, a difference of opinion can be just fine. It doesn't have to damage a new or established relationship.
3. Embrace the shades of grey. We are also subject to something that cognitive psychologists call binary bias. Simply stated, we take a complex argument and narrow the range of possibilities into just two categories. Going back to Grant's story above, he told his friend that the COVID-19 vaccine was effective. Well, how effective exactly? The world is not always black and white - sometimes we have to focus on the grey in the middle.
4. Build up to the really toxic topics. Grant writes, "The highest compliment from someone who disagrees with you is not, 'You were right.' It's 'You made me think.'" We don't always have to reach consensus. Sometimes the whole point of debate is to help promote critical thinking.
5. Keep agreeing to disagree. Remember, there are no winners and losers when it comes to most arguments and debates. "Great minds don't think alike - they challenge each other to think again."
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