If you've been following my blog in the last year or so, you will appreciate the fact that I am a big fan of the television Apple TV+ series Ted Lasso. Apparently they just started filming Season 3, which may possibly be the final season of the show! I certainly hope not. It's a great show, and I've posted themes and lessons learned from the show in a number of posts in the past (for example, see a couple of my favorites "Be a goldfish!", "Believe", and "Football is life").
My wife and I recently started watching the first season again (okay, maybe I made her re-watch the first couple of episodes). I came across another great leadership lesson in Season 1, Episode 8 "The Diamond Dogs" . Without getting into specifics on the show itself, by this point in the show, the other characters have at least started to warm up to Ted, and the players on AFC Richmond are responding to his leadership style. Rupert, the ex-husband (and former owner) of Rebecca (who is now the owner of the team) challenges Ted to a game of darts. As he approaches, he says, "Do you like darts, Ted?" Ted responds with, "Oh they're okay."
It's the classic hustle. Rupert thinks that he will easily beat Ted and wages 10,000 pounds as a bet. Ted counters with his own bet. If Rupert wins, he can pick the starting line-ups for the last two games of the season. However, if Ted wins, Rupert has to stay away from the stadium for the last two games.
Rupert takes an early and seemingly insurmountable lead in the game. In order to win, Ted has to score a two triple 20's and a bulls-eye with his last three dart throws. Before he throws the first dart, he begins his soliloquy. You can watch the video here or read the transcript below:
“Guys have underestimated me my entire life and for years I never understood why – it used to really bother me. Then one day I was driving my little boy to school, and I saw a quote by Walt Whitman, it was painted on the wall there and it said, ‘Be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that.” (Ted throws his first dart and scores his first triple-20.)
“So, I get back in my car and I’m driving to work and all of a sudden it hits me – all them fellas that used to belittle me, not a single one of them was curious. You know, they thought they had everything all figured out, so they judged everything, and they judged everyone. And I realized that their underestimating me – who I was had nothing to do with it. Because if they were curious, they would’ve asked questions. Questions like, ‘Have you played a lot of darts, Ted?’” (Ted throws his second dart and again scores a triple-20.)
“To which I would have answered, ‘Yes sir. Every Sunday afternoon at a sports bar with my father from age ten until I was 16 when he passed away.’ Barbecue sauce.” (Ted throws a double bullseye to win the game.)
"Be curious, not judgmental." As it turns out, Walt Whitman never actually said or wrote that (at least according to the experts). But I think the quote is incredible regardless of who said it. As Connie Whittaker Dunlop wrote in an article for the Forbes online magazine, Rupert should have been more curious (and less judgmental about Ted's dart skills) by instead first asking Ted (which is exactly the question that Ted suggested at the end of his soliloquy), "Have you played a lot of darts, Ted?" However, while a significant improvement, this alternative question is still what is known as a closed-ended question, i.e. it can be answered with a simple "yes" or "no."
A still better question for Rupert to ask would have been an open-ended question, such as "When was the last time you played darts, Ted?" Or an even better question, "What's your best score in a dart game, Ted?" or "How good of a dart player are you, Ted?"
So one take-home message from this particular Ted Lasso episode is that leaders should "be curious" by asking more powerful questions. The other important take-home message is that leaders should spend the time to get to know and understand the people that work for them, perhaps just as much (if not more) than the people that they work with and work for. Take the time to ask questions. Don't assume that you know or understand someone's skills, knowledge, or attitude. Do not pre-judge. Be curious.
"Barbecue sauce."
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