"You promote what you permit..."

I was a shy, quiet, overweight kid when I was growing up (now, I'm just overweight!).  It's funny what events seem to stick in your mind as you grow older.  Just the other day, I remembered a time when I was around 8 or 9 years old.  The local YMCA had started, for the first time ever, a youth soccer league.  My team was called the Cosmos (named after the North American Soccer League's New York Cosmos - some of you may remember that the famous Brazilian soccer star, Pele played for the Cosmos in the 1970's).  Several of my teammates and I had played on the YMCA youth football league team together earlier in the fall, and we actually had the same coach.  We only practiced two nights per week, and we played our games on Saturday mornings.  Our coach had pulled me aside to give me a special assignment for the upcoming game.  One of the players on the team that we were playing that week was known to be a bit of a bully.  He always played rough, and he even broke the rules at times.  Coach had showed me how to "push back."  To this day, I have no idea on what you can and cannot do in soccer, but basically I remember that he told me as long as I kept my arm straight against my side, I could bump him as hard as I wanted to and wouldn't get a penalty.

Well, Saturday finally came.  About half way through the first half of the game, "Bully" (I don't remember his name) gave me a push.  I followed coach's instructions exactly and pushed just as hard back.  "Bully" fell down, one of my teammates stole the ball and ended up scoring.  I remember coach giving me a high five (or at least the version of "high five" that existed way back then) and told me, "Way to go!"  Next time, I didn't wait for him to push me.  I gave him another shove and knocked him to the ground.  The coach and several of my teammates cheered for me.  I was beaming!  We won the game (we would eventually finish the year as league champions, so we were pretty good).

We ended up scrimmaging another team at the next practice.  I was playing defense, and one of my school friends had made a break for a shot on our goal.  I was the only one between my friend and the goalkeeper.  So, what did I do?  I gave him a rough push, knocked him to the ground, and kicked the ball back to the other side of the field.  He fell to the ground, writhing in pain and crying.  The coach on the other team blew his whistle and came up to me and yelling, "You can't do that!"  The boy's father came on the field and also yelled at me, "What are you doing?"  My coach called to me from the sideline and told me to come off the field.  No more high fives this time.  He pulled me aside and said, "You can't do that son.  That's a foul." My friend ended up being okay, and I ended up going home.  I remember my father telling me that I shouldn't do things like that.  I knew I had been wrong, but I was completely confused.  Why was it okay during the game and not now?

As I look back on that episode, I can't help but think of the old adage, "You promote what you permit."  It's really true.  Coach gave me specific instructions to play rough, and he even rewarded me when I did play rough.  What kind of response would you expect from an eight year-old kid?  The same thing happens in organizations today.

Think about it.  If leaders and managers look the other way when one of their employees stretches the rules a little bit, what do you think happens over and over in the future?  If leaders and managers inadvertently reward bad behavior by not calling out their employees when they behave unprofessionally or unethically, what kind of behavior do you think happens again and again?

One of the most difficult things to do as a leader or manager is to call someone out.  But it goes beyond bad behavior.  If an employee sees someone from the leadership team walking through the hallway and ignoring a piece of trash on the floor, what do you think the employee thinks?  You can bet your paycheck that the employee is thinking, "Well, if it's not important enough for you to pick it up, why should I?"

They say that the lessons we learn in childhood are relevant throughout our lives.  I completely and 100% agree.  I learned my lesson the hard way, but I've never forgotten it.  It is up to us, as leaders and managers, to put a stop to bad behavior.  It is up to us, as leaders and managers, to hold our teams accountable when they are being disrespectful.  And it is up to us, as leaders and managers, to set the example.  You promote what you permit.  Don't forget that.