Fatherly leadership

Well, my day started with breakfast in bed - it's probably the last time, as all the little birds are leaving the nest.  It was a great breakfast.  We drove over to Indianapolis to celebrate Father's Day with the first man I met and the greatest man I have ever known.  We just got back home about an hour ago and celebrated with a special dinner of homemade banana cream pie (boy, was it good).  I decided to go "Classic Dad" and wear my dress socks with my flip flops.  Really it is a good look!

In all seriousness, today is a day that we celebrate Fathers everywhere.  I was lucky to have one of the best.  I've talked about a few of the lessons he taught me over the years in previous posts.  There is something really special and unique about fatherly advice, and in many ways, I am who I am today as a result of it.  I will leave you with a few of my favorites - those timeless lessons about leadership learned from my Dad:

1. Never stop learning.  Dad was an organic chemist and retired over 10 years ago from a large pharmaceutical company.  He worked there for over 30 years, and I can truly say that he loved his job.  Actually, for him it wasn't a job, it was his passion.  Yet even though he has retired, and he probably doesn't have to, he continues to read about organic chemistry (much to all of his grandkids' amazement).  He never stopped learning.  He taught me to always work hard at learning.  It's a worthwhile investment of time and energy.  The day you stop learning is the day you stop improving yourself, and the day you stop improving is the day you should stop being a leader.  Leaders never stop learning.

2.  Always take care of those you love.  Dad loved being an organic chemist, but he never let it interfere with being a husband and father.  He always put the needs of his family above everything else.  Being a leader is sort of like that too - you should always put the needs of your team above your own personal goals and aspirations.  Leaders take care of their teams.

3.  Never give up.  The Boy Scouts of America played an important role in my father's development, in my development, and my son's development.  Both my son and I are proud Eagle Scouts.  Dad never got the chance, because he didn't know how to swim, and his family couldn't afford swimming lessons.  I was still fairly young, but I remember when Dad went to the local high school to take swim lessons.  He learned how to swim.  He never gave up.  He stood there proudly when I earned my Eagle Scout and when my son earned his.  We shared it with him.  It was his as much as it was ours.  Leaders never give up.

4.  If you do your best and learn what you can, the grades don't matter.  I remember bringing home my first bad report card (it was really bad) following the Spring semester of my second year in college.  Dad's first question - "Did you do your best?"  I had to be honest.  I didn't give it my best, and I knew I could do better.  But what he said next was even more important, "If you learned something, that's all that matters."  Dad felt that as long as I was doing my best, I would learn what I needed to learn to be the best person that I could be.  That's all that mattered to him.  Leaders always give it their best effort and take every opportunity to learn.

5.  Making homemade ice cream requires patience, but it's worth it.  I don't know how many times we made homemade ice cream when I was a kid, but it seemed like we did it a lot.  I used to sit outside with my Dad and watch him patiently add ice and salt to the ice cream machine.  It used to spin and spin and spin.  It went on forever.  Spin and spin.  Add more salt and ice.  Spin and spin.  Add more salt and ice.  He told me to be patient.  All good things come to those who wait.  And when the machine finally stopped spinning, he would give me a taste.  "See, what did I tell you?"  It was definitely worth it.  Leaders know the wait is worth it.

Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's out there.  But most of all, Happy Father's Day to my Dad, who taught me to be a father.  He also taught me to be a leader.  I guess Fathers are like that.

"There's no place like home..."

"Country Mouse" and his wife and youngest daughter made it back home from the "Big City" last night!  There's no place quite like home.  The trip to New York was incredible, and we were able to see most of what we were hoping to see - the Empire State Building, the 9/11 Memorial, Rockefeller Center, Central Park (including Tavern on the Green and the Balto statue), Times Square, Broadway, the Metropolitan Museum of Art (the "Met"), the Natural History Museum, the Dakota (where John Lennon was shot and killed), the Love Statue, the Charging Bull statue (and the Fearless Girl statute too), Wall Street, Battery Park, Ellis Island, the Statute of Liberty, and yes, the no longer infamous (at least in our mind) NYC subway system!  We tasted perhaps the best Banana Cream Pudding that I have ever tasted at Magnolia Bakery.  We paid $4 for a Diet Coke (and argued with the street vendor who tried to jip us by giving us a can instead of the bottle that we paid for).  We ate some great food.  We saw a great musical (Wicked).  Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn, Staten Island, and the Bronx.  New York City is an amazing place.  But there is still no place like home. 

The trip to New York reminded me yet again of one of the themes that I have come back to a number of times in this blog - expand your boundaries and test your horizon.  I have never been a big fan of art.  Just ask any one of our children about the time we visited an art gallery on a trip to Bern, Switzerland, more or less because it happened to be a rainy day and we had nothing else better to do.  I saw a sign on the wall next to a painting that said "Picasso" and recognized that he was a famous artist (okay, I am not that big of a blockhead).  I commented that the painting was kind of strange and had a lot of blue color in it.  Our youngest daughter told me, "Duh, Dad.  It's from his blue period."  Wait, Picasso had a blue period?  The next Picasso was mostly yellow, so I quickly stated, "This must be from his yellow period."  Nope.  I guess he didn't have a yellow period (but in my defense, apparently he did have a "rose period").  Anyway, I decided to take a visit to New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art (the Met) and really tried to enjoy it (and not make too many dumb comments).

For the most part, I thought the Met was pretty great.  We ended up in the "Modern Art" section, and some of the paintings were a little bizarre, but some of the paintings were really incredible.  I tried my hardest, but I just couldn't refrain from making a comment on one painting, which was called "Photo is the color of my dreams" by an artist named Joan Miro.  I just don't get it.  The entire painting is the word "Photo" painted in one corner of a large square canvas, with the phrase "This is the color of my dreams" in French (I think).  That's it.  The accompanying description made a rather big deal about the fact that the artist also painted nearly invisible lines, "like a primary school student would use to write straight".  Wow.  I wish I would have saved some of our children's kindergarten paintings, we probably could have made a fortune!  All kidding aside, for the most part, I really enjoyed our visit to the Met.  And I am sure that some people - perhaps true art aficionados - really understand and appreciate Miro's painting too.  It's just not quite for me, at least for the present time.

So it's good to broaden your horizon.  It helps change your perspective.  I know our visit to New York and "Photo is the color of my dreams" changed mine.  But, I will say it again.  There's just no place like home...

"Country Mouse, City Mouse"

There was a book that my wife and I used to read to our kids when they were young about two mice.  One mouse lived in the country ("Country Mouse") and one mouse lived in the city ("City Mouse").  As it turns out, the story was based upon one of Aesop's Fables ("The Town Mouse and the Country Mouse").  All I remember from the story was that the Country Mouse visited the city and decided that she would rather live in the country. 

I know what you are thinking ("Where is he going with this?").  Well, my wife and I recently made a trip to New York City.  It was the second visit here for both of us (other than a number of stops at one of New York's airports to connect with other flights).  Neither one of us had actually seen much of the city though.  We both wanted to go visit the National September 11 Memorial and Museum, which was actually farther from our hotel than either one of us cared to walk.  The easiest (and most comfortable) thing to do would have been to grab a quick taxi ride, but we chose to push beyond our comfort zones and take the infamous New York City subway system.  It happened to be "rush hour," which made it even worse for us.  Just to be clear, both my wife and I grew up in reasonably large cities in the Midwest, we have lived in some fairly large cities on both coasts, and we currently live in a decent-sized city.  New York City, however, is just on an entirely different level.  So, we both felt like the Country Mouse going to the city.

The important thing is that we pushed outside of our comfort zones and challenged ourselves.  We took a risk, albeit a fairly safe risk, but a risk nonetheless.  The reward was well worth it though.  The 9/11 Memorial and Museum is absolutely a must-see for everyone.  It's an amazing place, sad and depressing, yet inspirational and uplifting at the same time.

Leadership is like that some times.  You have to take risks.  You have to push past your comfort zone.  You have to test your boundaries, and when you do, the reward will be worth it.  And you may even learn that the “infamous” NYC subway system isn’t so bad (and is actually kind of fun).

"The Ancient and Honery Order of Wood Chucks, Inc."

When I was growing up, there was an old television series (I think my parents watched it when they were growing up) that used to play after school on one of our local TV stations in Indianapolis.  I am almost certain that you have heard of it - it was called the "Our Gang" or "Little Rascals" and was a series of short movies produced from (believe it or not) 1922 through 1944.  There was a movie based upon the series that came out in the 1990's, but it wasn't quite the same.  The show was based upon a group of kids from the same neighborhood.  Most of them were poor, but they all seemed to come up with a lot of things to do to have fun anyway.  I used to watch the show almost religiously every day after school.

There was an episode called "Anniversary Trouble" that was particularly famous - it was made in 1935 and included cast members from the older years (Stymie and Jerry) as well as some of the most famous characters (Spanky, Buckwheat, and Scotty).  In this particular episode, the neighborhood gang decided to collectively pool all of their resources (i.e. money) so that they could purchase things that they wouldn't be able to buy individually.  They form a club, called the "Ancient and Honery Order of Wood Chucks, Inc." complete with a President (Stymie), a Treasurer (Spanky),and a secret "high sign" (see image below):


Sounds like fun, right?  As Treasurer, Spanky is given the responsibility to hold all of the club's money.  Here's the thing, though.  Nobody else in the club trusts Spanky with the money.  As the club meeting adjourns, one of the club members asks Stymie who is going to watch Spanky to make sure he "doesn't take all of our dough."  Scotty is tasked with watching Spanky.  Another club member is tasked with watching Scotty watch Spanky.  Yet another club member is tasked with watching the other club member watching Scotty watching Spanky, and so on, and so on.  In other words, no one in the "Ancient and Honery Order of Wood Chucks, Inc." trusts anyone else!

All teams, no matter the context or setting, are built on mutual accountability and mutual trust.  Without trust, there is no team.  If you watch the rest of the "Anniversary Troubles" episode, you will learn that the "Ancient and Honery Order of Wood Chucks, Inc." lasts for exactly one day.  The club disbands shortly after its founding.  The reason?  Lack of trust.  Everything works out in the end, and the neighborhood kids remain friends.  But the club (or at least the organization that was started to pool their collective monetary resources together) does not last.

Trust is absolutely critical to the success of any team, whether it is a neighborhood club, a sports team, or a group of health care providers.  If you don't trust each and every other member on the team, you don't have a team. 

At times, trust requires a leap of faith.  As the author Ernest Hemingway once said, "The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them."  And in most cases, the trust that you give is repaid in kind.  That's how groups of individuals become teams.

"Hit the showers - and make it a cold one!"

One of the most important jobs for any leader is to take care of the individuals on his or her team, and that happens with the leader first taking care of him- or herself.  Please do not misunderstand me - I am not talking about "taking care of oneself" in terms of making sure that you, as a leader, get proper credit or recognition for doing a good job or making sure that you get paid fairly.  I am talking about "taking care of oneself" from a health standpoint - getting enough sleep at night, exercising regularly, and eating a balanced, nutritious diet.  All of these things are critically important for all leaders, as well as the individuals on their teams.


The ancient Stoics used to practice self-denial or voluntary discomfort in order to "quiet their appetites for material goods" and help them better appreciate all of the things that they had in their life.  They weren't masochists - they did not prescribe self-mutilation or self-torture at all.  Rather, the ancient Stoics would run barefoot, take cold baths, or fast.  All of these things made the Stoics, or so they believed, stronger and better prepared to handle anything that happened in their lives.  Here we have the ancient version of "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."  Although, to be fair, the things that the ancient Stoics did to practice self-denial or voluntary discomfort were fairly mild and would never increase the risk of death.  Epictetus, in his "Discourses" wrote, "But neither a bull nor a noble-spirited man comes to be what he is all at once; he must undertake hard winter training, and prepare himself, and not propel himself rashly into what is not appropriate to him."


As it turns out, doing things like taking a cold shower actually makes some sense.  Most modern Stoics suggest that taking a cold shower will improve self-awareness, self-control, and health.  There is even some evidence, based on at least one randomized, controlled clinical trial, that taking a cold shower every day will improve overall health.  Investigators from the Netherlands randomly assigned over 3,000 participants, all previously healthy, to one of three experimental groups or one control group.  The individuals who were assigned to the experimental groups would add 30 seconds, 60 seconds, or 90 seconds, respectively, of a cold shower (the coldest setting on the shower faucet, which happened to be around 10-12 degrees Celsius) to their normal shower routine every day for a prescribed period of 30 days.  At the end of the 30 days, these individuals were then free to do whatever they wanted to (from a showering standpoint) for the next 90 days (i.e., they could take a cold shower for as little or as long as they wanted to).  Individuals assigned to the control group just took regular showers for the entire study.  Compliance with the shower protocol was self-monitored and self-reported (the individuals were "on their own honor" so to speak), though nearly 80% of the individuals complied with the protocol for the full 30 days and 64% actually continued for the next 90 days of the study.  At the end of the study, the investigators compared the number of days of lost work due to illness and found that taking a cold shower (regardless of duration) decreased the number of days of lost work due to illness by 29%!  The most commonly reported benefit to taking a cold shower was an increase in perceived energy levels (many of the individuals compared taking a cold shower to drinking a hot cup of coffee).  Unfortunately, the treatment effect did not last after the end of the 30 days.  Interestingly, 13% of the study participants reported problems with a persistent cold sensation in the hands and feet.


So, after reading this study, I decided to start taking a cold shower for 30 seconds at the end of my normal morning shower.  It's only been two days so far, but I can tell you that I absolutely feel great!  It probably helps that the temperature outside the past few days have been well in the 90's (the Dutch study actually occurred during the middle of winter!).  Regardless of the health benefits (or lack thereof), I can certainly appreciate why the Stoics, both ancient and modern, believed in the power of a cold shower.  Try it!

"Decoration Day"

Today is Memorial Day, which was once known as Decoration Day.  In honor of those who have died in service to their country, the American poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote a poem he called "Decoration Day", which I have copied below:

Sleep, comrades, sleep and rest

On this Field of the Grounded Arms,

Where foes no more molest,

Nor sentry's shot alarms!

 

Ye have slept on the ground before,

And started to your feet

At the cannon's sudden roar,

Or the drum's redoubling beat.

 

But in this camp of Death

No sound your slumber breaks;

Here is no fevered breath,

No wound that bleeds and aches.

 

All is repose and peace,

Untrampled lies the sod;

The shouts of battle cease,

It is the Truce of God!

 

Rest, comrades, rest and sleep!

The thoughts of men shall be

As sentinels to keep

Your rest from danger free.

 

Your silent tents of green

We deck with fragrant flowers

Yours has the suffering been,

The memory shall be ours.

 

 

"Lest we forget."

It's Memorial Day weekend, so I am taking a brief break from my usual Sunday evening blog post.  Instead of a new topic, I would like to leave you with one of my favorite poems, one that I learned a very long time ago.  It is called, "In Flanders Fields" and was written by a Lt. Colonel John McCrae during World War I.   Lt. Colonel McCrae was a physician in the Canadian Army and wrote the poem for the funeral of a friend and fellow soldier, Lieutenant Alexis Helmer, who died in May, 1915 in the Second Battle of Ypres.  One of the poem's lines, perhaps its most famous one, references red poppies, which has led to the practice of the remembrance poppy (my wife and I purchased one from a local high school group at Kroger's last night).  It is a great poem, and I will leave it here for you today, to honor all of those who have fallen in the service of their country:

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place, and in the sky,
The larks, still bravely singing, fly,
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead; short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe!
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high!
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.