I've been learning, reading, and trying to practice Stoic philosophy. The Stoics teach us that we should only be concerned with things that our within our control, while ignoring the things that our not within our control. For example, the ancient Greek philosopher, Epictetus, one of the greatest of all the Stoics, said, "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will." He went on to also say, "Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle. Some things are within your control. And some things are not."
Epictetus understood this point - it was personal to him through his own lives experience, for he was born a slave. He didn't even know the name his mother gave to him. "Epictetus" is a Greek word meaning "acquired." At some point early in his life, his owner intentionally broke his leg, which affected him for the rest of his life.
Contrast Epictetus' story of hardship with another famous Stoic, Marcus Aurelius, who was born into royalty and knew throughout his childhood that he would one day become the Roman Emperor. He said, "Accept whatever comes to you woven in the pattern of your destiny, for what could more aptly fit your needs?"
Both Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius, despite the stark contrast in their life circumstances, believed in one of the core tenets of Stoic philosophy, that is to live in accordance with nature, focusing on virtue, and aligning one's will with the natural order of the universe. The practice of Stoic philosophy, then, involves accepting what one cannot control, practicing self-control, and developing a virtuous character, ultimately leading to inner tranquility and well-being.
The concept of acceptance is not unique to Stoic philosophy. The American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr provided us with what is commonly known as the Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Niebuhr first used a version of the Serenity Prayer around 1932, though the concepts (and perhaps the text itself) probably has ancient origins (likely from ancient Greece and the Stoics). One of Niebuhr's colleagues, Winnifred Wygal, quoted him in a October 31, 1932 diary entry: "The victorious man in the day of crisis is the man who has the serenity to accept what he cannot help and the courage to change what must be altered."
Similarly, the American poet Robert Frost wrote a poem called "Acceptance":
When the spent sun throws up its rays on cloud
And goes down burning into the gulf below,
No voice in nature is heard to cry aloud
At what has happened. Birds, at least must know
It is the change to darkness in the sky.
Murmuring something quiet in her breast,
One bird begins to close a faded eye;
Or overtaken too far from his nest,
Hurrying low above the grove, some waif
Swoops just in time to his remembered tree.
At most he thinks or twitters softly, 'Safe!
Now let the night be dark for all of me.
Let the night be too dark for me to see
Into the future. Let what will be, be.'
Acceptance is a beautiful sentiment, but a difficult one to practice. Frost uses the setting sun as metaphor for the inevitable change that we all experience, every day. We humans often lament the setting sun ("change"), though nature accepts it and welcomes the inevitable passing of the day into night. Frost suggests that even in the face of the unknown, there is a sense of tranquility and peace.
Change is not easy. We live in a world that is constantly changing. Being a leader in today's VUCA or BANI world is not easy. The Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw wrote, "Progress is impossible without change; and those who cannot change their mind cannot change anything." W. Edwards Deming said that the "two basic rules of life are (1) change is inevitable and (2) everybody resists change." Finally, the Austrian psychologist, neurologist, and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl said, "When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." It's amazing how many of history's greatest thinkers (there are many more quotes that I could have shared here) talk about the inevitably of change. What is even more remarkable, is how many of these same individuals talk about the pathway to inner peace and tranquility - accepting that change is inevitable and moving on.
Listen to what the Stoics are telling us. Listen to what Reinhold Niebuhr, Robert Frost, George Bernard Shaw, W. Edwards Deming, Viktor Frankl, and all the others are telling us. Embrace change. Accept that there are things that you can't control. The inevitability of change is one of them. Be at peace with that. Focus on the things that you can control.