"I wish"

There's a scene in the movie, The Fellowship of the Ring that someone reminded me of just the other day.  The nine characters in "the fellowship" (the group that was assembled to destroy the "One Ring" - trust me, it's a GREAT story but even if you've never read the LOTR or watched the movies, you'll be able to follow my line of reasoning) have just entered the fabled "Mines of Moria."  They are lost and waiting for their leader, Gandalf, a powerful wizard, to figure out how to lead them out of the mines.  One of the main characters, Frodo, a hobbit, is lamenting the fact that he was tasked with carrying the ring.

"I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.

"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times.  But that is not for them to decide.  All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us."

It is a powerful scene, and the statement made by Frodo is one that many of us are making today.  But Gandalf's response is one of hope and reassurance.  It is one of the pillars of the Stoic philosophy - that is, the fundamental notion that we can't always control - indeed, we rarely can control - the nature of the crises that we are forced to face.  However, the one thing we can absolutely control is our response and attitude.

As one of the founders of Stoicism, the ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus said, "It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters."  Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor and author of Man's Search for Meaning expands further on this theme, "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

I have thought a lot about where I am today.  I am here in Chicago, working long hours at a new job in a children's hospital in a brand new city and living, at least for the moment, without my wife and family.  It would be easy for me to complain and feel sorry for myself, and indeed, there have been some times these past five weeks when I probably have done so.  But here's the thing - no matter what I am doing now, I can be thankful that I am here, working with a great team of dedicated, committed, compassionate health care workers and administrators.  I can be thankful that the vast amount of evidence suggests that children are less likely to have serious and significant illness from COVID-19.  And, I can be thankful that our local and state government leaders are helping our community to be as absolutely prepared as we can be for something like a worldwide pandemic.

Could we have been better prepared as a country to deal with this pandemic?  Absolutely.  Do I wish that our nation's leaders were managing this crisis as well as some of our local and state leaders?  Absolutely.  But can I change any of that now?  Nope.

So yes, while I do wish that all of us didn't have to be living through COVID-19, I am thankful that we are here now to make a difference.  After all, it's really not up to us to decide whether we are here or not.  But it is up to us to choose how we respond - with compassion, with grace, with commitment and dedication to our patients, and with professionalism.